Losing a pet can be one of the most gut-wrenching experiences for anyone who has ever welcomed a four-legged friend into their life. Yet, as anyone who’s loved and lost a pet can attest, society tends to downplay the gravity of this loss. As someone who’s been through it, I remember all too well sitting in the dim, quiet corner of my living room after saying goodbye to my Dalmatian, Mickey. I had just hung up the phone with the vet, and that news hit me like a tidal wave. I sat, hugged my knees, and cried for hours, cocooned in the empty, haunting silence left behind. Mickey’s absence was profound, and yet, the world around me seemed to barely notice. Why is that? Why is pet loss so often misunderstood, and why are we expected to move on without lingering sadness?
Why Society Minimizes Pet Loss
Society, bless it, has a funny way of categorizing grief. There's a sort of unspoken hierarchy when it comes to loss, and pets are often shuttled to the lower rungs. A typical reaction to the death of a pet might be, "Well, it’s just an animal," or the ever-popular, “Can’t you just get another one?” Statements like these—although likely well-meaning—can feel dismissive and leave pet parents feeling even more isolated in their sorrow (Cordaro, 2012).
One reason for this is that pets, unlike family members or friends, aren’t always seen as integral parts of our social support networks. This can be traced back to societal norms, where animals have traditionally been viewed as "companions" rather than "family" (Sife, 2014). While our beloved fur babies may feel like kin to us, society doesn’t always see it that way. There’s also the practical matter that many people have never had pets or have never formed the close bond that comes from years of shared walks, warm cuddles, and countless loyal tail wags. For those of us who’ve been fortunate enough to experience this, however, pets aren’t “just animals.” They are our family, confidants, and, quite simply, irreplaceable.
Pet Nation: A Puzzling Paradox
Here’s a curious conundrum for you: In the United States, over 70% of households have pets, with nearly 69 million families owning dogs and 45 million welcoming cats into their lives (American Pet Products Association, 2023). That’s a whole lot of wagging tails, purring friends, and couch fur! And yet, despite this collective fur frenzy, society still tends to look at pet grief as if it’s a bit, well, “extra.” Let’s dive into the paradox, shall we?
Imagine if, overnight, 70% of Americans woke up to find their morning coffee ritual outlawed. Outrage! Bewilderment! There would be morning news specials, tearful anecdotes, and coffee shop vigils nationwide. And yet, when 70% of households are one pet away from potential heartbreak, the response to that kind of loss doesn’t exactly inspire empathy or mass rallies.
We might bond over our shared experience of dodging fur tumbleweeds around the house or having a permanent layer of pet glitter (a.k.a., hair) on every outfit, but when it comes to pet loss, the empathy seems to evaporate faster than a bag of treats at a dog park. We love our pets like family—no, let’s be real, they are family—so when we lose them, the grief is profound. Yet society often doesn’t see that loss as a “serious” grief.
Here’s the funny (and heartbreaking) twist: With so many people sharing life with a dog, cat, or both, you’d think society would be more united in honoring the grief that follows. We’re talking millions of people navigating life with a pet snoring at their feet or nuzzling their hand for scratches at every given moment. How, then, does this add up to a prevailing perspective that pet loss is “less than” other types of grief? It’s as if pet parents everywhere are expected to mourn in silence, in the privacy of dark rooms with a box of tissues, rather than openly sharing their loss and receiving the support they deserve.
In reality, we’re all one frisky feline or loyal dog away from a grieving friend, neighbor, or family member. So why not let empathy for pet loss be as commonplace as a bowl of kibble? After all, these fur-babies are not just pets—they’re family members who leave a profound, unforgettable impact on our lives. And, if the sheer numbers don’t tug at our collective heartstrings, well, then maybe we’re missing the bigger picture in a world that’s 70% paws, claws, and fur.
The Unique Bond Between Humans and Pets
A pet’s presence fills a space in our lives that no one else quite can. Pets are constants; they greet us at the door, cuddle up beside us on lonely nights, and listen with those wise, all-seeing eyes when we’re feeling down. Research even shows that pets provide mental health benefits by lowering stress, easing feelings of loneliness, and offering a deep sense of emotional fulfillment (Brown & Wilson, 2016). So, when we lose that bond, it’s natural for grief to wash over us, just as it would after any loss. But because pets often play more subtle roles in our lives—always there, always steady—others might not realize the weight of their absence.
My Own Experience Losing Mickey
Losing Mickey was like losing a piece of myself. I remember calling out of work for several days because I simply couldn’t face the world without him. It was as if my entire apartment, once filled with his playful energy, was suddenly emptied. Friends tried to understand, but no one quite got it. To some, it seemed like overkill to take time off work, or to spend those first few days in tearful solitude. But for me, Mickey wasn’t “just a dog.” He was my buddy, my confidant, and my daily joy. Without him, my world felt off-kilter.
But what I needed during that time wasn’t just sympathy; I needed people to understand that my grief was valid and worthy of time and space. And while I didn’t get that from everyone, I did find solace by connecting with other pet parents who had also experienced this particular kind of loss.
Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve
Grieving a pet is absolutely normal, and your feelings are entirely justified. You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel the way you feel. The pain is yours, and it’s real. And just like any grief, it deserves to be processed fully, unapologetically. If that means taking a few days off work, then do so. If that means spending time sitting with your feelings in that quiet room that seems too still, then that’s okay, too. Your heart needs that space, and anyone who doesn’t understand that likely hasn’t been through it themselves (Fitzgerald, 2017).
Society may not always validate the grief that comes from losing a pet, but you can validate it for yourself. Allow yourself to mourn openly, whether that looks like a full-on ugly cry in your car or softly stroking your pet’s favorite toy on the couch. There’s no wrong way to grieve, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is speaking from their own inexperience.
To Those Supporting a Friend Through Pet Loss
If someone close to you is grieving the loss of their pet, remember that your presence and understanding are incredibly valuable. Even if you don’t understand their grief fully, you don’t need to. Grief isn’t always logical; it’s raw and complex, often not fitting neatly into rational explanations (Stewart, 2020). A simple, “I’m here for you” or “I know this must be so hard” can go a long way. Avoid phrases that minimize their pain, like “It’s just a pet” or “You’ll feel better soon.” Instead, listen actively and let them know their sorrow is valid.
Finding Your Tribe
One of the most healing things you can do during this time is to find a community of like-minded souls who understand exactly what you’re going through. Pet parent support groups, either online or in person, are filled with kindred spirits who can offer grace, comfort, and understanding. There, you’re free to share memories of your pet, shed tears, and find comfort in the knowing nods and supportive words of others who understand the gravity of this loss.
Grief, after all, isn’t a journey you have to walk alone. Reach out to those who understand and surround yourself with people who genuinely care. Sometimes, just hearing the words, “I know exactly how you feel” can lift a bit of the heaviness that sits on your heart.
In a world that may not always understand, let yourself feel every ounce of the loss. Your grief is worthy, and your love for your pet was real. At Unboxed Grief, we understand that grief is a deeply personal journey, and no two paths look the same. That's why we offer grief support groups and one-on-one sessions to walk alongside you, helping you navigate the ups, downs, and everything in between. We’d be honored to be a part of your healing process, offering a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can feel heard and supported. As Ram Dass so beautifully said, “We’re all just walking each other home,” and we’re here to be that steady companion, offering warmth and guidance as you take each step forward.
Here are some highly recommended resources for anyone navigating the unique grief of losing a beloved pet:
Books
"The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups" by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio and Nancy Saxton-Lopez
This book offers comfort from therapists who specialize in grief, providing practical guidance and support for pet loss.
"Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet" by Gary Kowalski
A warm, compassionate book with reflective insights on coping, healing, and cherishing the memories of a pet.
"When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing" by Alan D. Wolfelt
Dr. Wolfelt’s guide emphasizes the importance of honoring your grief and gives tools for healthy grieving and remembrance.
"Dog Heaven" and "Cat Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant
These beautifully illustrated books, though often given to children, are wonderful for all ages. They bring comfort by depicting a peaceful afterlife for beloved pets.
Support Groups
The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB)
Offers free online chat rooms and support groups moderated by trained volunteers, available to those experiencing pet-related grief. Find out more at www.aplb.org.
Pet Loss Support Hotline (ASPCA)
Staffed by compassionate, trained volunteers, this hotline provides phone support to grieving pet owners. Reachable at 877-474-3310, Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST.
Local Pet Loss Support Groups
Many communities offer pet bereavement support groups through local humane societies, veterinary clinics, or counseling centers. Contacting your local humane society can help you connect with groups in your area.
Online Support Groups and Forums
Reddit’s r/Petloss: A supportive community where pet owners share stories, grief, and advice.
Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss Grief Center: Offers memorial pages and a supportive community, available at www.rainbowsbridge.com.
Grieving.com: A general grief support forum with a dedicated pet loss section for sharing and support.
Apps
Grief Works App
This app includes a pet loss section and offers guided meditations, journal prompts, and exercises to help process grief.
WoeBot
While not pet-loss-specific, WoeBot provides AI-driven mental health support, helping users with stress and emotions in times of grief.
Journals and Memorial Projects
Pet Memorial Journals
Journaling your favorite memories, stories, and milestones shared with your pet can be a powerful healing tool. Journals designed specifically for pet loss, such as “My Pet Remembrance Journal,” can help guide you through this process.
Memorial Projects
Creating a tribute, such as a shadow box, photo album, or even planting a tree, can be a therapeutic way to honor and remember your pet's legacy.
These resources offer compassionate support, helping you find your way through the grieving process and toward a place of peace and remembrance.
At Unboxed Grief, we understand that grief is a deeply personal journey, and no two paths look the same. That's why we offer grief support groups and 1:1 session to walk alongside you, helping you navigate the ups, downs, and everything in between. We’d be honored to be a part of your healing process, offering a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can feel heard and supported. As Ram Dass so beautifully said, "We're all just walking each other home," and we’re here to be that steady companion, offering warmth and guidance as you take each step forward.
Disclaimer: The author of this blog is not a licensed practitioner, therapist, or medical doctor. The information provided is based on research and personal experience and is intended for informational and supportive purposes only. If you are experiencing physical or emotional symptoms of grief that are impacting your health, we strongly recommend consulting with a licensed healthcare provider, therapist, or medical professional for clinical evaluation and appropriate intervention. Always seek professional advice before making decisions regarding your mental or physical well-being.
References
Brown, S., & Wilson, D. (2016). The emotional bonds between humans and pets: Understanding the need for animal companionship. Journal of Animal Psychology and Society, 34(2), 78-92.
Cordaro, M. (2012). The underestimated importance of pet loss in society. Pet Bereavement Studies Quarterly, 8(1), 101-112.
Fitzgerald, A. (2017). Grieving the non-human: Pet loss and the invalidation of grief. Journal of Bereavement and Loss, 25(3), 203-214.
Sife, W. (2014). Loss of a pet: Understanding the impact of pet bereavement. Journal of Human and Animal Studies, 12(4), 402-410.
Stewart, J. (2020). Supporting friends through pet loss: Best practices for empathy. Companion Animal Journal, 15(6), 39-52.
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