Crying is a universal human experience, yet it’s often misunderstood, stigmatized, or even feared. From shedding tears of joy to expressing profound grief, crying serves as a vital emotional outlet. It’s not just a physical response but a deeply human act that connects us to our feelings and to each other.
My Journey with Crying
As far back as I can remember, crying in my culture was seen in one of two ways: as a manipulative tool to garner sympathy or as a sign of weakness. This belief shaped my relationship with tears. I never cried openly, even within the safe confines of my home. When I did cry, it was faint and muffled, as if the sound of my sadness might disrupt the delicate emotional balance in my family.
This pattern carried into my adulthood. I believed that a tough exterior was the hallmark of strength. Crying was reserved for private moments, and even then, it felt like an indulgence rather than a necessity.
Even when my parents died, I did not allow myself the release of tears in public. At my mother’s funeral, I stood stoic before the congregation, delivering a heartfelt story about her life and reading her obituary. Later, at the repast, one of her friends remarked, “If I didn’t know you were her daughter, I wouldn’t have guessed it.” At the time, I took this as a compliment, a nod to my strength and composure. But with time and growth, I now see it as a sad commentary on my discomfort with crying in public—a natural, human expression of grief and love.
But the weight of my suppressed emotions could not be held forever. Two days after my mother’s funeral, once my flight returned me to the sanctuary of my own city, I stepped into the safety of my home, closed the door behind me, and collapsed. The walls, my silent witnesses, held space as the dam finally broke. The tears that I had swallowed down in stoic resolve came pouring out in unrelenting waves. My body heaved with sobs as years of grief, pain, and love poured forth in the privacy I had long convinced myself was the only acceptable space for vulnerability.
It was raw. It was visceral. It was as if every tear I had withheld in my life was demanding to be seen and felt. I wept for my mother, for the child who learned too early that tears were not welcome, and for the adult who had believed strength was synonymous with silence.
In that moment, I realized the bittersweet irony: I had been waiting for safety, yet my tears themselves were the safety I had been seeking. The act of crying did not weaken me—it freed me. For the first time, I began to understand the power of allowing myself to feel fully and unapologetically.
This experience changed me. It taught me that crying is not something to be hidden or feared but embraced as part of our shared humanity. It is an act of courage, a proclamation of our connection to life and to love.
The Science Behind Crying
Humans produce three types of tears:
Basal Tears: These keep our eyes lubricated and protected.
Reflex Tears: These flush out irritants like smoke or onions.
Emotional Tears: These are unique to humans and are triggered by strong emotions such as sadness, joy, or frustration.
Emotional tears contain stress hormones and natural painkillers like leucine-enkephalin, which may help to alleviate emotional distress (Gračanin et al., 2018). The act of crying also engages our brain's emotional center, the limbic system, signaling the hypothalamus to stimulate the lacrimal glands. This interplay between our emotional and physiological systems underscores how deeply connected our tears are to our well-being.
The Benefits of Crying
Crying isn’t just a release—it’s a tool for healing. Research shows that crying serves several important functions:
Emotional Release: Tears provide an outlet for pent-up feelings.
Social Connection: Crying signals to others that we need support, fostering empathy and connection.
Mood Regulation: Many people report feeling calmer and more relieved after a good cry, likely due to the release of endorphins.
As grief expert Megan Devine so poignantly puts it: “Grief is visceral, not reasonable: the howling at the center of grief is raw and real. It is love in its most wild form.”
Cultural Stigmas Around Tears
Cultural norms play a significant role in shaping our attitudes toward crying. In some societies, tears are embraced as a sign of authenticity, while in others, they are seen as a weakness to be avoided. These cultural scripts can deeply affect how we process our emotions.
In my case, growing up with the belief that tears equated to weakness hindered my ability to connect fully with my emotions. It wasn’t until much later that I realized crying is not a sign of fragility but a testament to our humanity.
Embracing Our Tears
Crying is a normal, natural function of our humanness. It is not something to shy away from but to embrace. Allowing ourselves to cry—whether in private or in public—acknowledges the depth of our feelings and the richness of our experiences. As Megan Devine reminds us, “Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” Tears are part of how we carry the weight of our emotions, and they are an essential step in finding healing and connection.
For years, I believed that holding back tears was a sign of strength. Now, I understand that true strength lies in embracing all facets of our humanity—including our tears. So, the next time you feel the urge to cry, let the tears flow. They are your body’s way of saying, “I’m here. I feel. I’m alive.”
Disclaimer: The author of this blog is not a licensed practitioner, therapist, or medical doctor. The information provided is based on research and personal experience and is intended for informational and supportive purposes only. If you are experiencing physical or emotional symptoms of grief that are impacting your health, we strongly recommend consulting with a licensed healthcare provider, therapist, or medical professional for clinical evaluation and appropriate intervention. Always seek professional advice before making decisions regarding your mental or physical well-being.
References
American Psychological Association. (2014). Why we cry. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry
Gračanin, A., Bylsma, L. M., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2018). The neurobiology of human crying. Clinical Autonomic Research, 28(4), 363–373. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10286-018-0526-y
Goodreads. (n.d.). Megan Devine quotes. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9240073-grief-is-visceral-not-reasonable-the-howling-at-the-center
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