Grief is a bit like a snowflake—no two are alike, and they often melt into tears. You might have heard of “normal” grief, but surprise! There are so many more flavors of grief to explore. Some last a blink of an eye, while others like to unpack their bags and stay for a while. Today, we're diving into the wonderfully messy, layered world of grief types—from the "usual suspects" to the lesser-known but equally impactful varieties.
So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea—this is a judgment-free zone) and let’s break down the various types of grief, how they differ, and how to recognize them when they inevitably show up.
1. Normal Grief
Also known as “acute grief,” this is the grief most people expect after a loss. You feel sadness, anger, or guilt, but over time, the intensity diminishes, and life gradually resumes some sense of normalcy.
Example: Losing a beloved grandparent after they’ve lived a full life might bring sadness, but over time, you come to terms with their passing.
2. Anticipatory Grief
This sneaky form of grief happens before a loss occurs. When someone you love is terminally ill, you may begin grieving the future loss well before they’re gone.
Example: You might experience anticipatory grief while caring for a spouse diagnosed with a terminal illness.
3. Prolonged Grief
This type of grief stretches out the process—like chewing gum that never loses its flavor. It doesn’t fade away like "normal" grief, and you may find yourself feeling stuck, unable to move forward even after significant time has passed.
Example: Someone grieving the loss of a spouse who, after more than a year, struggles to return to their daily routine.
4. Complicated Grief
Complicated grief gets tangled up with unresolved emotions like guilt, regret, or trauma, making it much harder to process. It’s like grief on an emotional rollercoaster that never stops.
Example: Grieving after a sudden, traumatic event, like an accident, may leave a person in emotional turmoil, struggling to make sense of the loss.
5. Incomplete Grief
This is the grief that feels like an unfinished story. It happens when someone isn’t able to fully process their loss, perhaps because they didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.
Example: A person whose loved one died suddenly, leaving them with no closure, might experience incomplete grief.
6. Disenfranchised Grief
Disenfranchised grief occurs when your loss isn’t validated by society. Maybe people don’t recognize your relationship with the person who passed, or they don't think the loss "counts."
Example: Grieving the loss of an ex-spouse or a beloved pet often falls into this category, as society may not recognize those losses as “real.”
7. Chronic Grief
Chronic grief is the never-ending story of sorrow. This grief lingers far beyond what is typical, becoming a long-term, persistent part of someone’s life, and making it difficult to function.
Example: A parent who loses a child and is still deeply grieving many years later may be experiencing chronic grief.
8. Delayed Grief
Sometimes grief hits the “snooze button.” Delayed grief occurs when a person doesn’t immediately experience the emotional effects of loss. It can hit them out of the blue, weeks, months, or even years later.
Example: A busy caregiver who feels numb after losing their loved one but experiences intense grief months later once the chaos subsides.
9. Cumulative Grief
This is grief’s way of saying, “When it rains, it pours.” Cumulative grief happens when a person experiences multiple losses over a short period, and the grief from one loss piles on top of the other, making it hard to cope.
Example: Someone who loses multiple family members in a short time might feel overwhelmed by cumulative grief.
10. Collective Grief
Collective grief is when a group of people—whether a community or society at large—grieve together over a shared loss. Think of the feelings that sweep over a nation after a tragedy.
Example: Natural disasters, terrorist attacks, or pandemics can cause collective grief, where entire communities mourn together.
11. Abbreviated Grief
Abbreviated grief is just what it sounds like—short and brief. It often occurs when the person had already emotionally prepared for the loss or when the relationship wasn’t particularly close.
Example: The death of a distant acquaintance or someone with whom you’ve had limited contact might trigger abbreviated grief.
12. Distorted Grief
Distorted grief is like regular grief, but with a twist—specifically, the emotions are exaggerated or altered in unexpected ways, leading to outbursts of anger or even risky behaviors.
Example: After the sudden death of a friend, someone might lash out at others in anger or begin engaging in self-destructive behavior as a response to their grief.
13. Inhibited Grief
Inhibited grief occurs when a person suppresses or ignores their feelings of grief. They may appear to be “fine” on the surface, but over time, this bottled-up grief can manifest in physical or emotional issues.
Example: Someone who throws themselves into work after a loss, avoiding their feelings entirely, may be experiencing inhibited grief.
14. Absent Grief
This is the curious case of grief that doesn’t show up—at least, not outwardly. A person experiencing absent grief may not display any of the traditional signs of mourning, even though they’ve suffered a loss.
Example: After the death of a sibling, someone might feel numb or detached, with little to no visible reaction to the loss.
15. Exaggerated Grief
Exaggerated grief takes the emotions of loss and turns the volume up to eleven. People may experience severe depression, and anxiety, or even engage in risky behaviors as a response to their grief.
Example: Someone who begins drinking heavily or engaging in dangerous activities after a loved one’s death might be experiencing exaggerated grief.
Models of Normal and Complicated Grief
For understanding normal grief, the Five Stages of Grief model by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969) is a popular one. It outlines denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance as common stages people experience. While helpful, it's important to remember that not everyone experiences grief in this linear order.
For complicated grief, the Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut, 1999) offers insight. It suggests that people oscillate between dealing with the emotional pain of the loss (the “loss-oriented” process) and engaging with the world around them (the “restoration-oriented” process). Prolonged grief can occur when someone becomes stuck in the loss-oriented phase.
Grief Comparison Grid (Arranged from Least Severe to Most Severe)
Type of Grief | Description | Example | Average Duration |
Abbreviated Grief | Short-lived grief, often because the loss was anticipated or the bond was weak. | Mourning a distant acquaintance. | Brief |
Anticipatory Grief | Grief is experienced before an actual loss, often due to a terminal illness. | Caring for a terminally ill spouse. | Can begin months/years prior |
Normal/Acute Grief | Expected emotional response to loss; improves with time. | Mourning a grandparent’s passing. | Months to a year |
Absent Grief | Little to no outward signs of grief, despite experiencing loss. | Feeling numb after the death of a sibling. | Undefined |
Inhibited Grief | Grief that is suppressed or hidden, sometimes manifesting in physical symptoms later. | Avoiding grief by immersing in work. | Undefined |
Delayed Grief | Grief that surfaces long after the loss occurs. | Grieving months after the funeral when the dust settles. | Delayed, can surface years later |
Disenfranchised Grief | Grief that isn’t socially recognized or validated. | Grieving the loss of a pet or an ex-spouse. | Variable |
Collective Grief | Grief is shared by a group or society after a major event. | Natural disasters or pandemics cause widespread mourning. | Varies by event |
Incomplete Grief | Grief that hasn’t been fully expressed or resolved, often due to lack of closure. | Sudden death with no chance to say goodbye. | Undefined |
Cumulative Grief | Grief from multiple losses occurring close together. | Losing multiple family members in a short time. | Variable |
Distorted Grief | Grief includes distorted emotions, such as anger or self-destruction. | Extreme anger after the death of a friend. | Variable |
Prolonged Grief | Intense grief lasting longer than typical; interferes with daily life. | Struggling after the death of a spouse for years. | Over a year |
Chronic Grief | Persistent, long-term grief that remains unresolved. | Grieving the death of a child for years. | Many years or indefinite |
Exaggerated Grief | Grief that involves extreme or exaggerated emotional responses, like severe depression or risky behavior. | Heavy drinking or dangerous activities after a loss. | Variable |
Complicated Grief | Grief involves unresolved emotions or trauma, making it hard to move on. | Grieving after a sudden accident. | Variable, often longer than normal |
Moving Forward
Grief is a wild ride, but the good news is that no matter how bumpy or confusing it may be, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Remember, it’s okay to laugh, cry, get angry, or feel nothing at all. Whatever type of grief you're experiencing, it’s valid, and you don’t need anyone’s permission to grieve your way. Let’s keep talking about it because grief doesn’t come with a manual—it comes with community, understanding, and, yes, even a little humor.
Final Thoughts: Grief isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. Recognizing the many faces of grief, whether you’re grieving a loss or supporting someone else, can provide comfort and validation. It’s okay to seek help, take your time, and, most importantly, honor the emotions you’re feeling—whether they arrive as an avalanche or a soft, quiet wave.
References
Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. MacMillan. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: Rationale and Description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
At Unboxed Grief, we understand that grief is a deeply personal journey, and no two paths look the same. That's why we offer grief support groups and 1:1 sessions to walk alongside you, helping you navigate the ups, downs, and everything in between. We’d be honored to be a part of your healing process, offering a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can feel heard and supported. As Ram Dass so beautifully said, "We're all just walking each other home," and we’re here to be that steady companion, offering warmth and guidance as you take each step forward.
Disclaimer: The author of this blog is not a licensed practitioner, therapist, or medical doctor. The information provided is based on research and personal experience and is intended for informational and supportive purposes only. If you are experiencing physical or emotional symptoms of grief that are impacting your health, we strongly recommend consulting with a licensed healthcare provider, therapist, or medical professional for clinical evaluation and appropriate intervention. Always seek professional advice before making decisions regarding your mental or physical well-being.
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